The Paradox of Awe and Anxiety

My blog has been silent for the last three months.  With the beginning of a new school year, fall usually brings about the slowing down of writing activity.  This fall has been particularly active in a number of ways: adjusting to a regular part-time teaching routine at my daughters' school, new relationships in and around Diakonos that put us on the cusp of something exciting for the years ahead, and small victories in the lives of people our community touches that increase the load of face-to-face mentoring that goes with leading a missional community.

Times like these can lead to feelings of awe and anxiety at the same time.  They bring awe because you realize little to none of it is a product of your own creating.  Instead, it is the result of God seeking to build a piece of His Kingdom through you.  They bring anxiety because you realize your own limitations and your need of a power greater than yourself if you hope to see the fulfillment of God's plan through all this.  The choice is to step ahead or to shrink back.

You get the sense in the writings of Paul the Apostle that he felt these same feelings many times.  In one of his most vulnerable letters he confides to the followers of Jesus in Corinth the paradox of feeling awe and anxiety at the same time in the pursuit of God's Kingdom.  Early on he compares the paradox to having a valuable treasure hidden in a fragile clay jar.  Though the outward pressure appears ready to crush the jar, the inward presence sustains it:

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies." (2 Corinthians 4:7-10 NLT)

Later he speaks of a what he calls a thorn in the flesh that keeps him from being too self-confident, even in the midst of great spiritual encounters.  It keeps him seeking God for a relief from the torment, but finding the answer is to trust God's strength in the midst of weakness:

"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said,'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:8, 9 NLT)

So, as we face the paradox of awe and anxiety, we need to press ahead and trust the presence of God's strength and grace to shine through our own feelings of inadequacy and weakness.

Being At The Mercy Of Another

This past weekend I had the "opportunity" to experience just a piece of the helplessness many of the most vulnerable people in our city experience on a daily basis.  This was not a staged learning experience where you know no matter what's going on it's only pretend, but instead a situation where you are in the wrong place at the wrong time for just a moment and you feel totally at the mercy of another person.

Last Sunday, our missional community had its biweekly service Sunday where we deliver food to people living in tent cities at different locations throughout our city.  Our final stop was near a railroad track with several camps lined in the woods along the side.  As our team wrapped up this final food station and prepared to go to our favorite coffee shop to debrief, I heard some commotion back by the tracks.  I went back just to make sure everything was alright and saw two trucks driving along the track to deliver firewood to the people living in the camps.  Shortly after that the Railroad Police vehicle appeared from behind the tree with lights flashing.

Though we always park off of railroad property when we deliver our meals, my standing on the property at this moment placed me in the middle of the whole situation.  From the officers position, he saw six individuals on railroad property (three people delivering wood, two friends who live in the camps, and me).  He exercised due diligence and collected all our ID's in order to run checks on any outstanding violations, warrants, etc.  I complied and waited as most of the conversation revolved around one of the individuals delivering firewood.  The rest of my team watched from where we were parked, wondering if they would need to back up my story or bail me out of jail.  After what seemed like eternity, my ID was returned and I was able to head back with no further problems.

Even though I knew there was little to be concerned about, in a moment like this it is not hard to feel like you are at the mercy of another person.  Thoughts about the possibility of a ticket or being detained begin to enter your mind.  And for a moment I understood how harassed and helpless my friends without homes feel on a daily basis.  They have run-ins like this on a regular basis where they are left at the mercy of another person for their sense of security.  There are not only the run-ins with police that they have to be concerned with, but they also deal with any number of strangers every day that could take advantage of them.  So, I can't help but have empathy for their plight.

This makes me think of Jesus entering our crazy world.  He lived among an oppressed people.  He experienced hardship and injustice.  I wonder how many times as a young man he was forced by a Roman soldier to carry the soldier's equipment before he said, "If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles." (Matthew 5:41)  How many times did he have his shirt taken before he said, "If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well."? (Matthew 5:40)  Jesus identified with the harassed and helpless.  He lived among them.  He identifies with us when we feel the same way.  He's walked in our world.

So, we can take comfort in knowing that Jesus identifies with us in our moments of vulnerability.  He can also help us empathize with the most vulnerable citizens among us.  For this we can be thankful.

Secure Your Own Mask First

Recently a friend posted a quote on Facebook from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero.  I found the quote so good I decided to check the book out at our local library and read more.  Having been on a journey towards a more emotionally healthy faith over the past nine years (I'm sure I still have a ways to go), I've found it to be a very refreshing book.  There is much in this book I have experienced in this time and it's encouraging to find others who have come to similar conclusions.

Whenever I spend time reflecting on a topic like this I often am reminded of the pre-flight safety instructions a person hears when flying on a commercial airliner.  During the section about the emergency oxygen masks, passengers are reminded to make sure their own mask is secure before they attempt to help someone else.  The logic behind this instruction is simple.  If you haven't made sure you have enough oxygen to survive in an emergency, you won't last long and won't be able to help others.  So, for their sake, it's best to take care of your own mask first.

This is sound advice for anyone who has committed their life to serving others to remember.  We need to prioritize taking care of ourselves if we are going to be of any use to others.  When we are involved in serving others, it's a challenge to resist the feelings of guilt if we take time for ourselves.  If someone comes to us with a request we can feel a compulsion to always say "yes" regardless of the effect on our own lives.  In that process it's easy to neglect the most basic points of self-care, but if we do we will be of no use to those we seek to serve and will begin to resent the very people we say we love.

There are times for self-denial and many in the United States have elevated the level of the "bare necessities" to the level of excess.  Still, there are basic boundaries every human needs to put in their lives to operate at their best.  So, for the sake of those we seek to serve, let's remember to make sure our own mask is secure first.

Wise Leadership: Get The Full Story

There is an interesting story in the history of ancient Israel.  It occurs near the end of the Book of Joshua as the fighting men of the two-and-a-half tribes that had been given land east of the Jordan River are released from their obligation to fight alongside their fellow Israelites that will settle west of the Jordan River.  Before they cross over the river, these men build a replica of the official altar that is placed in the tabernacle of Yahweh (God).  They did this as a memorial for future generations to remember that people living on both sides of the river were worshippers of Yahweh.  The initial reports among the people living west of the Jordan River, though, was that this was done out rebellion against Yahweh.  In response they prepare for civil war to remove the offense from the people of Israel.

A delegation is sent ahead of the army to find out what has happened.  It is lead by Phinehas, the current priest and grandson of Aaron.  Phinehas would not be considered a "bleeding heart liberal" by modern standards.  When there was obvious offense against the Law of Yahweh, he was not afraid to take swift action in punishing the offense.  In this case, though, he took the time to listen to the men from east of the Jordan River and find out their reason for building this replica.  Upon hearing their answer he replied, "Today we know the LORD is among us because you have not committed this treachery against the LORD as we thought. Instead, you have rescued Israel from being destroyed by the hand of the LORD." (Joshua 22:31) Civil war was averted.

Both positive and negative examples from several years of leading others and serving under other leaders has shown me how important this skill is in leading wisely.  It's easy to look at another person's actions and assume an offensive intention.  This can especially be true when we feel defensive.  We can assume someone has our ill will in mind when there may be no malice intended.

It's important to give people space to explain their intentions and not jump to conclusions.  Even if we find out our original assumptions are correct, it's worth taking the time to make sure this was the case.  James, an early follow of Jesus, put it another way: "You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." (James 1:19)  That's good advice.

Being The Nuts and Bolts of Christianity: An Experiential Witness

In the opening scenes of Ragamuffin: The True Story of Rich Mullins the character of Rich Mullins is placed in the role of narrator of the film through a radio interview that interjects narration throughout the movie. This interview opens with a question about how he came to faith. Mullins responds, "I am a Christian, not because someone explained the nuts and bolts of Christianity, but because there were people willing to be nuts and bolts.” (originally from his book, The World As Best I Remember It) This quote epitomizes what the witness of a missional community should be. It's what I hope our Diakonos Community is becoming.

Too often we see witness or evangelism as presenting an airtight explanation of what Christians believe that will convince the hearer that this is the best way to believe. The Bible seems to present a different picture of witness in the early days of the church, though. There were times when the Gospel was publicly proclaimed. Still, there are many places where early Christian leaders (and Jesus himself) emphasised that the witness we live out will be as important as anything we say. Consider the following:

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14 - 16 

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34, 35 

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:2-6 

Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. 1 Peter 2:12 

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:11, 12

A community of people that are living the self-sacrificial life that Jesus modeled will speak the Gospel to people burnt out on the self-centered culture of our contemporary age. Together we live out the nuts and bolts of Christianity. Together we let the light of Christ shine in the midst of the darkness of this world. When the actions of a Christian community match it's words, this is the witness the world needs to see.

Suring Up Our Weaknesses

Last night I enjoyed listening on-line as one of my favorite IndyCar drivers, Ed Carpenter, won his third career race in the Firestone 600 at Texas Motor Speedway.  I'm always partial to the smaller teams in IndyCar, especially owner/driver teams like Carpenter's, and enjoy any chance I have to see them win out over their highly funded competition.  They do everything they can to help their teams survive in a sport where it is often hard to make ends meet.  Sometimes as team owners they make decisions that are hard to make as drivers.

After winning his first career race in 2011, Carpenter launched his own team in 2012.  He has continued to experience a measure of success with 8 top ten finishes and 1 win on oval courses.  His weakness as a road and street course racer has become more apparent in the last two years as IndyCar shifts to more of these type of races.  For the first two years as a team Carpenter has an average finishing position of 8th on oval tracks and 19th on road / street courses (16th overall).  So, for the sake of the team, Carpenter the owner needed to make a decision on how to improve their overall standing for the team to survive and how Carpenter the driver fit into this.

Along came Mike Conway, a relative newcomer to IndyCar who has shown an ability to win on road / street courses.  After two serious crashes in his three starts at the Indy 500, Conway decided he was no longer comfortable with racing on ovals and became a fill-in road / street course specialist in 2013.  As a race team owner, Ed Carpenter made the decision in 2014 to split his ride with Mike Conway behind the wheel in the 12 road / street course races and himself as driver in the 6 oval races.  So far this year they have won two races and the car's average finish has improved to 14th overall (12th if you factor out the Indy 500 where Carpenter had a good chance to win until bad decisions by two other drivers took him out of the race with 20 laps to go).  Neither will have a chance of winning the IndyCar points championship, but their combined points is enough for the car to be in 6th place so far.

Sometimes leaders need to identify their weaknesses and find people that are able to compensate for these weaknesses for the bettering of the overall team.  This is not only true in auto racing, but in all areas of life.  Team will often outshine individual performance.  Ed Carpenter Racing may become a great example of that this year.

A Call To Integrated Lives and Churches: Reflections On Reading Slow Church

One of our families early encounters with missional church was being a part of Bluer (now Renewal Vineyard) in Minneapolis.  I often remember Pastor John Musick's expression for sin: "disintegrated lives."  It really caught the essence of all the ways our culture tries to pull us away from the holistic, integrated lives God desires for us to live.  Sadly, it's often hard to see how contemporary Evangelical church offers anything different from the compartmentalized lives corporate America sells us on a daily basis.

In light of this, it's refreshing when a book like Slow Church by Chris Smith and John Patterson comes along.  This book paints a picture of church that is counter-cultural to the fast-paced, compartmentalized lives many of us live.  Borrowing from the language of the Slow Food Movement, it challenges the reader to think about how to make life and church more integrated without resorting to the "church-bashing" that can sometimes find it's way into missional church literature.

Chris and John are not professional clergy trying to sell you on their program for building a church.  They are self-professed amateurs in the truest sense of the word: lovers of church-life that seek to see it integrate into every other part of their lives.  They live in two different communities and have found their way into congregations that encourage their ability to live these principles out.  Drawing from their own experiences, both healthy and unhealthy, they provide an appealing vision of what church could be.

The book is laid out in a very accessible format that anyone can pick up and enjoy.  Chris and John begin by presenting a theological basis for the type of church they desire to see.  They follow-up with nine characteristics of slow church broken down into three "courses:" ethics, ecology, and economy.  Throughout the book they revisit several of the challenges that contemporary culture pose to living out these characteristics and ask whether the cost of acquiescing to the status quo is worth what we appear to gain by following the cultural norms of a society living at supersonic speed.  Slow Church is not simply a manual on how to "do church."  It is a call to live a more integrated life that will naturally include a different approach to how church integrates with that life.

During a time of great stress in his life, King David wrote a hymn that invited others to "taste and see that the LORD is good." (Psalm 34:8)  Slow Church invites readers who are worn down by our fast-paced culture to take the same taste and discover the goodness that can be found in living and worshipping at the pace God desires for us.  For those of us who are professional clergy, it is a challenge to create the type of faith communities that allow the weary to enter in and slowing taste the goodness of God at a pace that is healthy for their soul.  For those of us who consider ourselves "amateurs," true lovers of church-life, it is a call to examine our own pace of life and find ways to make it more "tasty" to those around us.  For both groups of readers Slow Church is a meal worth tasting and digesting.